Egypt

I followed the Iranian uprisings with hope and trepidation. Now, I've been remiss in my news watching. Getting out of journalism meant no m,ore constant monitoring of a million news sources. I went on a diet, lived in my little bubble, de-stressed from the world.

But what's going on in Egypt is incredibly beautiful. It's not a country I understand (I can tell you more about the pharaohs than Mubarak), not one I have ties to, but if I were the praying type, I'd be praying for the Egyptians, who are out on the street, fighting for their rights right now, protecting their nation, their neighborhoods, their museums. I'm not sure I've seen anything as beautiful as the human chain around the National Museum for years.

And this? "We will have our rights, one way or the other - and we will not be silenced!"



More as it develops here on Al-Jazeera.

I do hope the western world does what it can to help free the Egyptians from their military dictatorship. The moral right is very very clearly with the people. 

Sleeping in the fire

I've had a boxer rampage through my head during the last few days (but I didn't actually write much more than 1,300 words recently). He's inspired by Rachel Haimowitz's "Belonging" world (to recap: it's today's world, added with pretty brutal slavery). I'm just giving the whole thing a bit of a spin, see what happens. It's not yet anything I could talk about in any kind of length or detail. The muse is currently busy fitting the ideas into one plot arch, so I go from "three cool scenes" to "story". It's a pretty critical phase, during which the story continues to shapeshift.

I'm still reorganizing my life to fit with the new job. Since I'm mostly on the late shift these days, I'm home at around 20:00 (when I leave the house at around 9:15), I'm attempting to get more stuff done during the day and in the morning and have food and stuff set up for when I get home. Over the next few days, I'll have to make some changes to make my life easier, but overall, I've rarely, if ever, been so relaxed in terms of work. Even yesterday, while I was in charge of a Big Important Report and had Big Important Analyst constantly at my desk to make last minute changes, things were going well. If that's the worst the new job can throw at me, I'm not worried. Plus, I got my payslip a couple days ago, and that's a shiny number there. I think I'll use the windfall to get my eyes lasered in due time.

I'm also listening to a lot of WASP (hence the title of today's post) - it works well with the boxer idea I'm carrying around in my head.

Other than that, not much else. Life's settling into the new routine, I keep pushing my various projects. "Father of all Things" is moving forward, with edits now with Carina Press. Since the Royal Mail lost the contracts, I just posted them again.

Expecting the edits of "Scorpion" pretty soon, and we're waiting for acceptance of "Break & Enter", the CP story that went out about 2 weeks ago. In the meantime, I'll just keep pushing stuff forward. 

Yet more good news

My partner just got the offer from an investment bank, which means a 30% salary increase. He's pretty chuffed. So am I. Making grandiose plans of taking over the world after London, too. But in the end, it's all going towards the house and the pension. We're already doing nicely, everything extra is now for financial  planning. I did not plan to work until I'm 70 or whatever the age will be at that time.

Thanks to uneven workload (feast or famine, at the moment it's famine), I'm done with my first major research book for Iron Cross (covering German history from 1870 to 1933) and have gathered some ideas for the characters' background. Questions such as "when did the American press began to report on Nazi atrocities commited against Jews" and "where could Richard have attended university" are answered. The answers are: as early as Jan/Feb 1933 and "Heidelberg or Marburg" (personally I tend towards Marburg, since I know that city). There are also many details I hadn't considered, and things like "un-Germanic art" and the bookburnings are put into perspective.

I do like reading those sweeping histories and start tell before my book's set. To write Vadim in "Special Forces", I read a 600-700 pages history of the Soviet Union, starting well, well before 1979, when "Special Forces" starts. The idea is to understand what issues and events shaped the characters growing up and getting to where they are. In Vadim's case, the relationship with his father and the way the totalitarian system twisted his character, even though, strictly speaking, 1979 was not in the teeth of the red terror. Nevertheless, people living in 1979 would remember - or have friends/family that would remember - the terror and the purges and the enforced uniformity. Fascinating stuff.

In Richard's case, the book burnings would have an impact. He'd notice the drop in quality of literature. He'd agree that Expressionism is ugly, but I think he likes modern literature and some of the discourses playing out in the twenties and thirties would have made an impact. He'd agree that the Communists need to be suppressed as they were clearly going to overturn the Weimar Republic. But if it had been for Richard, he'd have opted for a proper military dictatorship under Hindenburg. He'd largely agree with Kurt vom Hammerstein, for example. Very interesting - that'll give me enough of a foundation to not make the mistake of making the "good guy" into a democrat, because for all intents and purposes with his background and class, there's just no way he could have been.

If I've learnt anything about "Iron Cross" it's that it, like "Special Forces", very much dictates its own terms on which I can approach it. And that's really how historical novels should be, I think.

Winners of free books

Rachel's blog tour has ended, but she's putting up more prizes at her blog. Go here. 

Two commenters on my blog have won prices:


Tracykitn (swag bag)


Zarkina (free ebook)


Thanks for playing, and I'd suggest heading over to here and comment with your email addresses to get your books and stuff. Thanks for playing. :)

That's when Odin walks in

Thanks guys for all the great comments on the interview with Rachel. I'll respond, too, but first I have to tell you about the weird little thing that happened to me today.

Today, I went into the city center with my partner (not London, I can only take so much of the Big Smoke during my off time) and we ended up in one of the various coffee shops for breakfast. While we were chatting away about charity and some article's I've recently read about development, charity and the so-called Third World, my reality shifted.

That was such a weird moment there. Like reality was tilting sideways. The closest I can compare it to was an effect in a movie. Something weird going on about resolution and camera angle. Suddenly, reality was not what it had been. I was at the same time strangely hyper-aware of myself and reality was blurred. Less real. (I was neither drunk, on drugs, and very rarely pass out, although it has happened once on a commuter train when I got stuck with no oxygen and without breakfast for half an hour.)

It felt like a brush with an alternate reality, like some other world got very close in that moment. Like something outrageous could happen. Like I could just get up, leave my body sitting and chatting there and go somewhere else. If I were writing paranormal, I'd expect something weird to happen there, like, you know, Odin walking into the coffee shop, telling me something about the end of the world and Valhalla... or whatever. (Knowing my luck, it would probably be Loki, anyway. Not that I'm saying Odin is a nice guy.)

Anyway, for a moment I got the whole Buddhist thing about everything being an illusion. I really got it. Somehow I think writers are better equipped to deal with this particular illusion.

Then everything went back to "normal".

Yeah, my sanity is a tenuous thing.

Rachel Haimowitz blog tour

I have the honour to host Rachel Haimowitz, author of "Counterpoint" and "Anchored: Belonging" on my blog today.


Hi Rachel, welcome to my blog. I wasn’t quite sure whether I *want* you around, since you attempted to put me up for sale here, but now you here and you can let go of my arm. What’s your poison? I have milky tea (heh), vodka, Italian coffee, water or juice?

Definitely coffee. I’m not quite Kari Gregg, but it’s close . . .


There you go, fresh from the Baby Gaggia. I’ve finished “Anchored” (and “Counterpoint”), which had me on the edge of my seat. Here’s my review. Talking about Anchored, it struck me how real the whole thing is. It’s our world, but some people are slaves. You don’t explain, and I just accepted it and was itching to read more about that world. Do you have more planned?

I do indeed! Three actually, plus some shorts. I’m already hearing quite a bit of demand for a sequel, so that’s probably the story I’ll write first. We’ll see Daniel and Carl (and Jane and Dave and Tim, of course), about a year down the line from the end of Anchored. I don’t know how well their situation lends itself to HEAs, and as with most of my books there will be some real darkness, but hopefully things will work out for the boys in the end.

The second story I’d like to tell in this world is actually a prequel that takes place a few years before Anchored, right after Daniel and Victor are separated. I’m not sure I can find the romance in that, though, so it’s possible it won’t get written. What I like about this one though is that it takes place almost entirely abroad, and exposes the reader to other cultures where slavery flourishes as well . . . and to the one culture in the world where it doesn’t.

The third story involves a completely new cast of characters: a very young man who’s just inherited a lot of debt and the guardianship of his two younger siblings. He does some desperate things to keep the family out of slavery, but something tells me life will work out just fine for them in the end. This one in particular will let the reader learn a lot more about the world, about how slaves become slaves and why.


You’re quite unpleasant to Daniel, and at the same time, we’re in his head all the time as he suffers. How do you cope with that? Do you ever hit the point where it’s too much? Ever feel anything like pity?

It may be hard to believe, given the obvious glee with which I abuse the hotties, but I really do feel for Daniel (and for Ayden, and for any of the other characters I put through the wringer). I become as attached to my characters as the readers do, probably moreso—they’re my babies, so to speak—and making them miserable is tough sometimes. But what happened to Daniel needed to happen to move the story forward, and I’m undeniably fascinated with the darker underbelly of humanity. You see the real raw person beneath the makeup and the bluster when you run them ragged, and sometimes what you find under there is quite surprising.


I’ve read pretty much everything you’ve published (and a couple things that aren’t published) – and what’s hitting me there is that you are just as gruesome and dark as I am (or even more so). Now a question people ask me: why on earth are you so dark? What’s so fascinating about extreme situations like humiliation, torture, and the biggest romance no-no of them all, rape? Or, as a reviewer asked me recently, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

ROFL! I’m actually a very sweet person in real life, and god knows I’d never hurt anyone who didn’t actually enjoy being hurt; I find it just as difficult to watch someone suffer as any sane person does. But writing allows us to explore and indulge the taboo, to give in to darker desires without worrying about pesky things like a conscience—which, quite fortunately, gets in the way in real life all the time.

And just as sexual orientation is an inherent thing, so I think are sadism and masochism, dominance and submission. I can’t ever remember a time when I wasn’t fascinated by these things—even as early as five or six I was rescuing the brutally injured handsome prince when I played make-believe with my sister—but of course it took a while before I learned there were others out there like me, and before I realized how inherently sexual these desires were. By early adulthood, I’d come to realize that—like a really surprisingly large amount of women—I had rape and abuse fantasies. Mine were just the other way around; I didn’t want to be the victim, I wanted to be the victimizer. (And now I feel I must reiterate again that I would never, ever do this in real life, and that I abhor all acts of violence—against women or otherwise.)

Fortunately, fiction is a nice safe place to explore those fantasies, both for myself as a writer, and for the many readers who share those fantasies or at least have a curiosity about them. And—as I said in answer to your last question—there’s actually quite a bit of literary and exploratory value that can come out of putting your characters through such situations.


Excellent. I'll take that as inspiration when people ask me those hard questions. What strikes me about you is that you aren’t really the typical gay romance writer. And your books certainly don’t read like your average romance. Do you find the genre constricting? *Are* you a gay romance writer?

I think mostly I’m a storyteller who happens to like gay romance. Counterpoint was very much a traditional high fantasy story that just happened to have a gay romance at the core of it. Even Anchored is really much less about the romance than it is about the situation in which Daniel and Carl find themselves; that a romance (or something like it) develops at all is coincidental and very much due to Carl’s endless patience and kindness. There are many stories I want to tell, and to be honest, not terribly many of them are romances at all, although I do have a tremendous fondness for this genre and will probably write gay romances—or at least my version of them—for a good long time to come. But I’m also trying to strike out into other genres where I can still play with that element of darkness without working to fit a romance in around it.


Ah, yeah. You spend a lot of pages doing exactly that in the (unpublished) thriller I've read of you. Now a much fluffier question: You get to host a dinner party with 3 historical/real/fictional people of your choice. Who’s at the table, and why? How does the evening go?

I actually have no idea how to answer this. I mean, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with all the fictional characters I’d love to meet. If I were to restrict it to real people, I’d say Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, and . . . and again, I don’t know how to assign that last slot—too many amazing choices. But whoever I chose, I suspect the evening would be full of laughter at the vagaries of humanity, and a fair share of serious philosophy. Also bad puns.


Who are the authors you admire? What’s the book you would have wanted to write which was written by somebody else?

From my answer to the last question, it’s probably pretty obvious that Vonnegut and Adams are two of my biggest literary heroes. I’d have loved to have written Sirens of Titan. There’s so much about that story I’m simply in awe of. So much about the man who wrote it I’m simply in awe of. I’ve read it probably a dozen times, and it never gets stale.


Best and worst piece of writing advice you ever got?

I honestly think one of the worst pieces of writing advice you can give to an author who wants to make a career of it (or at least get published) is “Write for yourself.” That’s ridiculous, because if you want to publish, you’re not writing for yourself; you’re writing for your audience and you must never forget that. Of course you need to follow your heart and your passion or there’s a good bet your book will suck (and really, this is a terribly difficult way to make a not-very-good living, so unless you’re writing out of love, there’s no reason to do it), but it’s very important that you not self-indulge too much in your writing, or nobody will care about your book but you.

And the best? I dunno, actually. Probably “learn grammar.” You can’t break the rules with flair until you know them inside and out, and even the best stories can be completely derailed by someone who doesn’t know how to use commas.


Thank you, Rachel.


If you want to read more about Rachel, she's also stopping at Brita Addam's blog over here, where she posts an exclusive deleted scene.

Yesterday's Stops: Secondary character interviews at Amara's Place (including the immortal "Does anybody like you?"), and a Reader Q&A at Rick Reed's.

Tomorrow's Stops: Brand new video book trailer and review by Kari Gregg (), and a character interview with Daniel at Desert Island Keepers.

Here's more information about the Blog Tour. And yes, you can win something. :) To be precise, two commenters on this blog post will win something (so make sure you're leaving a - working - email address).

Three weeks in

I had a week of early starts. Yes, I got up at 4:30 and 5:45 and began work early. While I'm not at my best at 6 in the morning at work, I do like going to work by taxi (paid for by the bank). London is very different early in the morning, and I strangely enjoy watching the sun rise across the city's glass towers.

Next week I'm starting late again, which means lie-in, and coming home late... but that's OK too, because I'm rested and tend to be productive when I can stay up late. M y first paycheque (due next week) makes it all worthwhile. And more importantly, I have broken the circle of OMG STRESS! STRESS! STRESS!

I haven't worked long and I haven't brought any work home. I know, shocking.

Instead, I've managed to read a lot at work and edit a novel, so in terms of productivity, this is a clear win so far.

I'm also getting investigated by a Background Checking Firm "with a sinister name" as my new boss put it. Since they couldn't get in touch with my professor, I've had to point them today to one of my co-writers. I saw the form she's supposed to fill, and it's all about my personal integrity and honesty. Funny, how those old-fashioned virtues get investigated in a banking environment (which, we all agree, attracts a certain type of psychopath).

The other interesting little development is that the team did a collective Meyer-Briggs test. And the supposedly rare type INTJ (1-4% of the population) isn't rare in *my* reality. Three of my colleagues (that's 50%), my partner and one of my co-writers is an INTJ. (No wonder I like my team so much, most of them are introverts and one of the two extros is very calm and silent). Anyway, as you might be able to tell, we do have fun.

And as I'm still addicted to the newsflow, here are some cool links:

African Huts Far From the Grid Glow With Renewable Power This is about how small renewable energy sources are making a huge difference in the Third World. I've read a lot of similar stories about the mobile phone, which helps Indian fishermen/farmers to get good prices for what they bring to market.

Plastic adorns the nests of birds fit for a fight. This made me laugh: "It is a symbol of success, apparently - the biggest collections of plastic are displayed by the black kites with the most chicks and the best territory." - same with humans. Just look at all the bankers/traders with a bag full of gadgets/iPads/iSomethings. It made me think of the Sennheiser-headphones wearing asshole next to me on the train to Dover Priory today.

And finally something for all the sci-fi writers out there (and me): Two Suns? Twin Stars Could Be Visible From Earth By 2012, reports HuffPo. Well, I'm slightly less optimistic about time frames, but Earth post-nova could be an interesting setting.

On a side note, FOAT is back with Carina Press (talking about stars, heh).

And due to Carina's author marketing workshop two days ago (where my website was critiqued), I'll be changing my header on the blog and website. The website especially is now changing again to make things "even easier", as a PR company would put it. While my structure is good, it can be better.

And I just got the very good news that writer friend Cat Grant sold the novella I read (really only for a couple typos) to Ellora's Cave. Congrats, Cat! (Apparently my name has inspired the name of Aleksandr Petrovsky in her book - and that guy is pretty hot. The menage he's involved in is extremely hot. Title is a bit in transition at the moment, but it's set in the opera world.)

Right. Off to write some - or talk to another writer friend about her novel.

Das Eiserne Kreuz

Whenever I'm silent on my own blog, it means I'm super-stressed (well, that state is in the past, but accounted for most of my silences over the last 6 months), depressed/blocked (whining in public is an indulgence I try to stay away from - nobody cares to hear a writer whining) or busy writing.

I'm happy to inform you guys that I'm busy writing. Enforcing bank house style on analysts while powered with free coffee and a remarkably sane, pleasant environment is fifteen kinds of good for my writing. My Spotify subscription keeps feeding me new music (I need a certain type of music to fall into the page) and generally, I enjoy hanging out with writer friends.

Yesterday I considered that I'll soon have Rachel Haimowitz as a guest on the blog (I still need to come up with something cool to ask her - or in the absence of cool interesting will do), and while we chatted about websites and stuff, I introduced her to weebly.com (which is my provider for my website) and quickly whipped a first draft together for her. Since the first version, it's been improved, but here's her new site. Header by Gileonnen (yes, the same one who co-wrote "Collateral") Go browse. And follow her blog tour - there's plenty of free books to win.

Me, I've been busy learning the new house style and rewriting the nonsense some financial people rush out of the door (and keep from laughing at German-isms in some reports - sometimes I want to call the people and tell them "this doesn't mean what you think it means", but that would be gloating). But I've always enjoyed working on texts (mine are harder to fiddle with), and dealing with non-fiction leaves the brain fresh to work on fiction. Everybody wins. Me most of all.

So. What am I writing? Saturday I completed my developmental edits of "Father of all Things", which is now with Rhianon to get checked before it goes back to Carina. Sunday I built that website (and badgered Gileonnen into helping me with the bits I couldn't do - I'm graphically challenged). And both Saturday and Sunday, I wrote "Iron Cross". One scene came out absolutely beautifully. I'm really in tune with the characters now. I know them, deeply, closely, and I love them both, deeply, truly. I even connect with the supporting cast and the evil guy/s. This is a straight from the heart book. The book I want to write if I only had two weeks left to live. And I don't care if anybody buys it. I've already pulled it from one publisher (as I needed more time), and this one I'll polish like a fire opal to get all colors out of the dull stone.

So, yeah, 600 words here and 1,200 words there. Slow by my standards, but I really can't rush this one. I'll have to go the full 90-100k with this one, and this means measured steps, every single one deliberate like Tai Chi movements. The main struggle is to make it flow, so self-consciousness makes stuff harder than it has to be.

But I read those 1,200 words and they are really, really good. Sometimes my literary delusions are rearing their funny little heads again, sprouting every now and then when my ego's close to bursting, but those words were exactly how I wanted them to come out. Unity of intention and result in writing is so unbelievably rare that the words ring extremely loud in my inner ear when it's exactly, exactly what I wanted to say. There on the page. Not a dream. Real. Tangible. Frozen for eternity. There are few bigger thrills to a writer. It's when you strike gold. When the singer hits the note so clear and strong the energy soars right through every vein in pure light. Nothing in the world is better.

So, I'm going to reward myself for getting back into the book and get myself a replica of the medal that plays such a big role in the book. I think it might help keep me focused as it's sitting on my desk. And keep me grounded in the more somber facts behind the book.

Piracy costs you books

Here's an excellent post on the real costs of piracy by Shiloh Walker. Very good, sobering reading. Lilith Saintcrow also talks about money here. And tells people not to steal her books. And responds to some idjits who attack her for asking people not to steal her books.

Me, I've long decided that I can work and write. I'm not sure I'd write more if I wasn't working - possible, but hard to prove - but I sure want to get paid for all the hard work. And if I did make enough money to retire, I might. But I've made the decision to be a dilettante, and quite possibly forever, to only write what I am desperate, hungry, craving to write. And get books out immediately (or after 6-8 months maximum) rather than spend years and years going the traditional publishing way (which I've done and found too hard and too slow for a no-name like me, plus, in the niche, there's no real point to it, at least not at the moment).

Talking about getting paid - I'm in my second week and still enjoying it. I figure I've found an excellent place to stay. Also, because I can edit my own stuff in the lull between assignments (I forgot how it feels to not multitask and rush all the time). The last three days, that amounted to around 60 pages getting edited. At that rate, I'll finish the edits of FOAT much sooner than expected. There's still some heavy lifting to be done, but I'm reasonably sure I can do that lifting by Monday.

So far, the main thing that bugs me about being a working writer is that I have to go to bed in a way that preserves my strength and mental togetherness (to bed at midnight, latest) for the day job rather than when I run out of ideas (which is two or three hours later). It's a small price to pay, but definitely cuts the writing short even when I hit the flow.

Am Working and liking it

It's the weekend after the first week at the new job. I do enjoy working in a bank as opposed to a business media publisher - the coffee's free and much better quality, for one, and I've never had such a shiny office. I can also go home when I'm finished - there's quite a bit more flexibility there. And I enjoy being the primary breadwinner - at least until my partner has signed up with *his* investment bank, then we should be bringing home the same kinda money.

Talking about money, there's a good article on e-piracy at dailyfinance. Since all my titles get stolen somewhere on the internet (lovely when you wake up first thing in the morning and see somebody so very eager to share your book with a few ten thousand of her closest friends - that sets you up nicely for a productive writing day /sarcasm), it's topical reading. And means, incidentally, that I'll be working a day job for the rest of my life. I simply cannot rely on making enough money to retire and write full-time.

I'm currently editing "Father of All Things" and am pushing the total edits to around 40% of the total book right now (that's chapter 13 and counting, of 27).

I'm also having a reviewing crisis of faith. I get so much negative backlash about reviewing (and I use the full range of 1 to 5 stars) that I am rethinking how I review and for what ends. I'm thinking I'll use a reviewing pseudonym from now on. I don't want to spend half my writing time in fights with other authors or publishers. It's that simple. I'm a writer, first and foremost. I'll publish positive reviews (3-5 stars) under this name, and 1-2 star reviews under a different name - if I feel the urge to review.

I'll make 2011 the Year of the Novel. I have a crapload of novels in the drawer, and I want to kick them all out into the world. Deal with old stuff. Baggage removal. Time to draw a line under a certain period in my life - and the best way to do that is to throw out the books I wrote during that time.

Right, back to editing chapter 13.

Last Day before First Day

I just uploaded chapter 30 of "Special Forces" to my website.

Then, looking over the pile of stuff I have to do, two stand out because they are urgent and on deadlines (there is such a thing as "urgent and not on a deadline").

One is to re-write and polish the synopsis of "Break and Enter", so we can submit the story soon.

The other is to do the developmental edits of "Father of All Things", which need to be done by 24 January. That's just three weeks, and the changes are pretty substantial (or at least they feel like that at the moment).

So I just printed out the letter from our editor and am now cleaning up the desk to make space for all the little notes and "to do" list. I assume this might take a couple days. Thankfully, I can do this kind of editing on my e-reader, so I don't think I'll actually print out the manuscript. Then again, I might. Paper is still different for editing purposes, especially sweeping edits that affect whole chapters.

Good I have two reams of paper in reserve, too.

And if I manage to get 500 words in on Iron Cross or Lying with Scorpions, even better.

More editing was done

I started the day going through Rachel's edits of the second half of "Break and Enter" and we sent it to a couple of our betas. Some feedback has already come back, and it was extremely helpful.

Today I wrote the long-outstanding feature I promised my boss. That's 2k of writing and a whole day of work. (Yes, I did a good job procrastinating, too.)

Fiction wasn't written today, because then Alison got back to me and had chapter 30 of "Special Forces" edited, so I went through that, then cut and tweaked a little more. To give an update, we have 200k of the 600k of "Mercenaries" edited. I believe that's 400k of the total one million words. So, after more than a year of editing, we're not even halfway through. While I dream of editing one chapter every two weeks (with around 40 left, that's 80 weeks or just over 1.5 years), that's a hope more than anything. It's just so freaking enormous, and I fit the editing in when I'm not writing.

Well. It's a project. at least I know we're improving the text enormously and I don't have to be ashamed anymore of the slap-dash editing job of the first version.

The day after tomorrow, I'll start my new job. I'll spend tomorrow brushing up on some editor skills that they quite likely expect from me. All the paperwork should be in order, though. I'm curious how it'll all pan out.

Tomorrow, I'll write some more "Lying with Scorpions", maybe even some "Iron Cross" and then I was going to post a letter to the States. And that's my long break over.

Oh, and lastly, I found this very lovely review of "Test of Faith". Thanks, Lee!

I've tried to take it in good humour

I'm not much a Christian. I tried, honest. I tried the whole "turn the other cheek" gig. Ended up badly depressed and then embraced what I call "moral behaviour". There are some things I cannot abide (blame it on me being an INFJ - and I'm more the "crusader" type than the cute fluffy "healer" type).

One of them is to get laughed at.

We all know traditional book sellers are in the shits. Borders, laden with debt (They are also owned by private equity, which makes them even more vulnerable and cash-strapped than other book chains... different post for another day) has suspended payments to some publishers, according to Publishers Weekly NOT the response of a healthy business.

Then I made the acquaintance (if you can call it that in the days of social media) of the Romance buyer of that same book publisher on Twitter.

She was looking for bloggers for that same book chain's Romance blog (in other words, an unpaid gig for romance authors to fill their social media site with free-for-the-publisher content - and they seem so desperate that some of what I've read there is shockingly bad. I'd link that nonsense, but I don't want to give them more traffic). And as bubbly and fun the romance community is overall, she informed me that they do "mainstream only".

Which begs two questions. How are gay/queer people NOT mainstream? (And NO amount of smileys and bubbly personality can soften that question). Queers are everywhere. I've even encountered the head of the GLBTQ group of a CONSERVATIVE LAW FIRM in London. The lawyer put it on his CV that their press lady sent me. There's a financial services lawyer, and he's introduced as "X.... chairman of Y's GLTBQ group".

Law firms can do it. Borders can't?

I've spent some pleasant times (and hundreds of pounds) in Borders stores in the UK. I sheltered there in the Chicago weather on my last day in the States. Now I'm being told - smiling, polite - that what I write, what thousands of people care very passionately about, is not "mainstream" enough for their blog.

Well, seems Borders hasn't learnt the lesson of the "long tail" yet. I'll look forward for it to go down in flames, and ideally screaming loudly all the way down.

So that was the last bag of books I bought from there. I'll be buying my books online from The Book Depository from now on (hint: free worldwide delivery). And buy my "want now" books from Foyles in London. I have never been laughed at either by TBD or Foyles.

If I was holding any Borders shares, I'd sell now.